More thoughts in the vicinity of this week's Glee

First I wanted to say thanks to everyone who read and responded to my last post about my self-consciousness and bad experiences at school. So. Thank you. It was kind of hard to get that out, talk about the funk in my past I mostly try to forget, and admit my weaknesses.

I feel like I have more to say about the episode and the infamous Teenage Dream performance (yeah me, and 3/4 of the internet, it seems.)

On the off chance you're the last person on the planet who hasn't seen it:



1. Oh my damn, Blaine is frigging adorable. This is unrelated to everything else I am going to say, but I could love this performance for no other reason that that singing dancing boys are incredibly adorable and look like they're having so much fun. When I grow up I want to be an adorable choir guy.

2. I really like the moment where Kurt stops ogling Blaine and looks around the room in happiness and almost disbelief that such a place exists. I love that they included that moment.

As I mentioned in my last post, I got out of my terribly shitty school environment by going to a private high school. Before enrolling, you go visit the school for a day. I got shown around by a very nice freshman girl and I felt like it was some strange dream world I had entered where there were other kids like me, and I wasn't going to get harassed and slammed into chain link fences. (Man, fuck that god. damned. fence and its poor craftsmanship and the sharp painful glops of metal all over it. Getting shoved into a fence is one thing, getting shoved into a chain link fence that might as well have little metal barbs on it just fucking sucks. That stupid fence actually took out my glasses by putting a huge scrape in one of the lenses when I got launched face-first into it. Grrr. I digress.)

I guess because I had for myself that moment where I realized that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, that "Holy shit, places like this exist?" realization that Kurt seems to experience during the performance is one of the reasons that the whole scene gets me so much.

It was pretty hellish going back to my terrible middle school after that day. The other kids and even one of my teachers set out to make my life even worse after they heard I was going to a private school. I felt so badly for Kurt when he went back and continued to get bullied, even with all the developments with his bully. At the end when he just sort of slumps down looking so sad against the lockers... I just want to reach through the screen and hug the hell out of him so bad.

Given that Kurt Hummel is a fictional character, I will say if there's any real kids out there some crazy lady on the internet is sending you hugs and a promise there's a light at the end of the tunnel, eventually.

3. As a World of Warcraft nerd, I read blogs about that. Mostly stuff that pertains to the character class I play.
One of these blogs wrote a couple great posts about the episode, and even got a twitter nod from one of the actors. Nice! So for anyone who is, like me, a little too obsessed with the topic, here's the posts, which are nice reads:
http://shamanonramen.com/2010/11/david-the-gleeliath/
http://shamanonramen.com/2010/11/bullying-the-bullies/

4. Writing here continues to be amazing cathartic therapy for my disjointed thoughts, and so I should probably do that more. I feel like I really want to focus on other parts of me and my life that aren't about making babies or failing to do so. I NEED other things in my life besides that. So this post is totally part of trying to get me to write more about other things and find my voice.

5. If anyone needs me, I will be listening to the Teenage Dream .mp3 for the #597,048,835th time. Feel free to leave comments Gleeking out with me.