Glee Episode "Furt" - In Defense of "Running Away"

So, if you didn't see last night's episode of Glee, and don't want any spoilers, it's time to run away now. (and read this later, please?)

















We good?

K.

In reading people's comments and reactions to the episode, I have seen people criticizing Kurt for "running away" and "playing the victim" instead of standing up for himself, and confronting Karofsky again.

Here's the thing. I will not ever begrudge anyone for getting themselves out of a scary, bullied, toxic environment. Kurt already stood up for himself and confronted Karofsky. But sometimes that's not enough to stop a bully. Sometimes that only makes the bully push back harder, and that happened in the form of Karofsky kissing Kurt, continuing to slam him into lockers with even more anger, and in later threatening to kill him if he told anyone.

Kurt has some great things going for him that many, many, most? bullied kids don't have -- a large group of supportive friends, both some people who are popular at the school (Quinn, Brittany) and guys who are also on the football team with Karofsky, the bullies peers, more or less. And they stand up for Kurt. Then even kind of try to bully back, which I do not necessarily stand for. Kurt even has faculty on his side, who don't just pretend they didn't see it. He had a very reasonable, supportive reaction from oft-antagonist Principal Sue. But sometimes that's not enough to stop the bullying. And sometimes school adminstrations don't have that much ability to do anything, and sometimes the higher ups put a stop to it, and bully stays in school, without repercussions. Sue Sylvester did absolutely everything she could, and her resignation to stand up for what was right, and to better protect Kurt in the halls at school was a beautiful thing that would never happen in the real world.

While watching the episode I was thinking this, and after I remarked that everything up to the school board's reversal of Karofsky's expulsion was the sort of thing that would happen if the bullied kid daydreamed about what would happen to make all of the problems magically go away.


Here's another thing. Sometimes all these supportive actions only make the backlash against you worse. Now Karofsky is sort of in trouble. Now his father has been called into the office. Now everyone knows about him pushing Kurt around. If Mr. Karofsky is any kind of father -- and I am grateful that they did play him as something beyond a raging homophobe that made Karofsky like he is -- he isn't going to let this go. He's going to push to figure out what is eating at kid Karofsky, and from the perspective of a conflicted, self-hating, ashamed teen, that is NOT going to be fun. Kurt's defenders, Kurt's "standing up" has only made Karofsky's life worse, and Karofsky is going to take that out on someone, probably Kurt, possibly himself, possibly anyone else who is nearby.

Even though the Glee club pledges to defend Kurt, to form a perimeter, to protect him, they can't protect him at every moment. They can only take an edge of the fear and victimization, and they can also possibly make Kurt an even bigger target. It can make Kurt feel more of a victim, feel powerless, helpless, and dependent on others.


As I've written about recently, I was bullied and threatened in school. Chris Colfer did a brilliant job of acting and showing the hurt and the fear, and the terror, the helplessness you can feel in that situation. I sat on my couch, watching this episode, in tears for Kurt's situation. And even with support, it wasn't enough to resolve the situation. So he leaves for Dalton Academy.

I also wrote about my own moment where I saw my version of Dalton Academy, and how I got away from the bullies by attending a private high school, and how it probably saved me.

I will absolutely 100% back up Kurt leaving WMHS for Dalton. Is it running away? Perhaps. But in a certain way, it strength to stand up for yourself and remove yourself from a toxic situation. It sucks to go to school every day scared and terrified, and not knowing when something is going to happen to you next.

Kurt deserves to go to a school where he can be happy, and not live in that fear. And he deserves to not be judged for doing so.

We wouldn't judge victims of domestic abuse for "running away". Kurt is leaving the situation where his abuser has control of him. And that is a good thing.

It's really easy to say that he should have stood up for himself more. And maybe he will have misgivings about leaving (see: what Blaine said to Kurt about how he just ran away and regrets it), and I am sure he will miss his friends and the Glee club. Maybe in a vacuum where we can theorize about how Kurt could reform Karofsky by standing up to him even more (how?) but that's not the message we should send to kids who ARE BEING BULLIED. Yes, sometimes if you stick up for yourself, the bully will back off. But when that doesn't work, we don't need to harass them for getting out of their bad situations. We shouldn't tell them they need to stay and get abused more. We shouldn't tell them that they're just "playing the victim." That is essentially telling the bullied kid that it's their fault they are being bullied, and their fault the problem isn't going away. That is untrue and extremely damaging.

Protip: The people getting bullied already are victims. Playing the victim isn't when you remove yourself from a bad situation, it's when you stay there and take it. It's when someone else tells you it's happening because you deserve it, and you believe them.